Parenting with Compassion

I attended Astara’s free introduction workshop at Zayma because I wanted to find out what Nonviolent Communication is actually about. It sounds great, but how does it actually work? What has stuck with me most is that we all have similar needs, just that our strategies to fulfill those needs can differ. So if you express your needs you can create connection with the other person, while blame, judgment and comparison, often unintentionally causes distance. The clear hand out helps me get clarity about my needs and become aware of and name the feelings that come up because of those needs. After the introduction, I have of course not yet gained actual skills, but I have come away inspired by it and more aware of certain mechanisms in my communication. I am definitely taking this awareness with me into my work and private life!

I wanted to learn how to communicate without violence. To create more space on the inside. Space to listen without judgment or anxiety. I so long for more connection, the kind you feel when you are fully understood by someone. I learned that this is possible in conversations, when the painful emotional charge is no longer there. And I want to be able to state my boundaries without hurting the other person. Since the basic training course I notice I can listen emphatically more often, for example to my boyfriend. Then I notice that our desires are much closer than we initially thought. I learned not to have to think in solutions and look at needs instead. And to listen without offering words right away, to really get the whole story, until the end. And to be more emphatic with myself, which I succeed at best when I take the time and stay calm. So clarifying! I use it also in parenting my daughter. And am sometimes surprised and touched when I find out her needs, after first assuming other needs. I think it will take some time before I can apply it naturally, so I want to keep practising in the meantime.

I attended the introduction course because I found that I was yelling at my children and really wanted to change that. The course has brought a lot of positive change. I am even more aware that there is a need behind every behavior that my children display. And I discovered that my yelling or losing it is often the result of unresolved feelings from the past when needs were unmet. This was a huge eye-opener for me. I also learned the difference between sympathy and empathy and I learned to give empathy by giving space and attention while actively listening to the other person. I also received empathy for a personal situation and noticed how healing that was. I highly recommend this course for everyone!